This week is post natal depression awareness week. PND is such a silent nightmare, we are all expected to be super mums from the moment our babies are born and pride reinforces it even further. We think that the moment our little baby is born we need to master the art of breastfeeding, bond instantly, be the perfect housewife, the perfect mother, the perfect friend and more. But for many women it is so overwhelming they can barely function.

I can only speak for myself, every case is different so by sharing my story I hope others out there will realise they are not alone. That all of these feelings are normal and that it is ok to ask for help.

My story ….

I got off to a bit of a rough start. I was told a c-section was my only option to deliver my baby safely and it was something I was so against. I fought this until 2 days before his birth and finally just gave in. I was too tired to argue my case anymore and just felt that it was a lost cause. I told everyone it was ok and I was fine but really I was devastated.

My birth story is not a nice one, it was hard, painful and traumatic (Click Here to read more). I saw my son for 5 minutes in the operating room and was not reunited with him until 4 hours after he was born. This I believe affected our bonding time and it made it harder for me to accept what had happened.

From day one I was so desperate to breastfeed. I had him attached to me almost constantly and the day my milk came in I cried. The photo of my beautiful baby boy with milk on his face still makes me cry. But breastfeeding wasn’t easy. I had cracked and blistered nipples, mastitis and had a lactation consultant come to see me a couple of days after we arrived home (the best thing I ever did!).

But my milk supply was low, I fed Cooper every hour and then I would pump to stimulate. I would pump for 30 minutes straight and would be lucky to get 30mls. But to me 30mls was better than nothing.

I also was waiting for this amazing bond you are meant to feel when they are born. I still don’t believe this exists. I loved him and felt protective of him instantly but I didn’t know him and the bond took time. I liken it to a relationship …. if I was put in a room with a stranger and told he was my soulmate that we would be in love forever I would need time to get to know him, to fall in love. I think it’s the same with babies. I knew I loved him but I didn’t know who he was, we had so much to learn about each other and it took time to develop that connection.

I suffered major anxiety from day 1. If my husband would leave I would sit and shake and cry the whole time he was gone, desperate for him to come back because I was so scared to be alone. We were so lucky he owns his own business so he got to take 6 weeks off when Cooper was born. At the end of the 6 weeks the thought of him leaving daily to go to work made me have anxiety attacks. I couldn’t breath, my heart would race and I was so scared to be alone. It was then that he realised what was wrong. In our antenatal classes they talked about the signs of PND and he remembered them and I ticked all the boxes! We sat and talked and I still didn’t share everything with him, but enough that he took me to the doctor straight away. I went to a new doctor I had never been to and she was not very supportive. She had me look at a list of questions and asked if I felt any of those “signs of depression” and I said yes to all of them. She handed me a prescription and an appointment with the psychatrist and that was it. Off I went …..

I started taking anti-depressants very reluctantly. I don’t like them and I believe depression is over diagnosed in this world. But I decided to give it a go and see how I went.

After 4 week on medication I was feeling much better, but no where near 100%. I was able to get out of bed without crying, so that was a drastic improvement for me. At 10 weeks old Cooper was not sleeping during the day and was waking 5-7 times a night for a feed, almost hourly. I was still determined to breastfeed but we were supplementing with formula. I would get up and feed him both sides then I would give him a bottle and go back to bed for about 40 minutes, get up and do it again. We were exhausted!

We saw the paediatrican and she booked us into the sleep clinic straight away. After 3 nights at the clinic he came home a new baby! He followed the textbook sleeping pattern – Feed, awake, sleep during the day and would only need 2 bottles at night.

It is amazing how much better I felt after getting some much needed regular sleep!!

Life from then on seemed to get easier. I got into the swing of being a Mum and everything seemed to fall into place. But it wasn’t easy, for every up there were always 2 downs and it seemed like a long steep climb.

Looking back at those first few weeks I cringe at where my headspace was. I was having such awful thoughts and I even knew they were wrong but I was too embarrassed to say anything.

About a year ago I read Brooke Shields book – Down Came The Rain and in it she describes a moment where she is sitting with her brand new baby girl and wonders what it would be like to throw her against the wall. I read this part over and over again and remembered the moment in the hospital, it was probably day 4 and I was sitting on my bed holding my baby, looking at him and thinking …. I wonder what would happen if I dropped him? I never would and the thought made me feel terrible at the time but I still thought about it. It was only that I was still clinging on the reality that I didn’t.

What kept me from asking for help or admitting something was wrong? Pride …. I am an independent person and I was so scared that people would say “yep I knew you couldn’t cope” that I kept my mouth shut. Also part of me really thought it was normal. I thought motherhood was meant to be that hard. I kept saying to myself “this is it, life will never be the same” and I hated my life. I had a beautiful baby boy, a wonderful husband but I couldn’t see it. All I saw was my life was over and would always be a struggle.

I don’t think you ever get over PND. I was on medication for 8 months and took myself off it. I needed to learn how to cope and survive without it rather than living in a safety bubble of antidepressants. It was probably not the best thing to do but I worked through it and have never felt better.

Now almost 2 years later I feel amazing! My baby boy is my world and looking at him makes my heart melt. I think back to those early days and my heart breaks …. did he know how much I loved him? Did I kiss him enough? Why didn’t I just lay and snuggle and relax rather than trying to do it all? But I can’t change that I have had to learn to live with it. But we are so happy and I make sure I tell him every second of the day that I love him and how amazing he is.

I am fearful of having another baby again. I am scared I will go through all of that again but I am stronger and I know a lot more now. So I hope if the time came I would ask for help straight away.

Post Natal Depression is a silent illness. Women are too scared to seek help and we are all too scared to talk about it! We need to break the silence and talk to each other.

I hope sharing my story helps others in the same situation.

Jen xx

For help and more info on Post Natal Depression see – http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=94

Helplines -

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

Lifeline: 13 11 14

I believe it is important to raise children with a healthy junk food free diet. We practice this in our own home and I think it’s important to encourage others to do the same.

At Beyond The Baby we have decided to make a commitment to you. We will never promote or advertise any ‘junk food’ company or product on our site. We will only display healthy recipes with minimal fat and sugar content and will will continue to provide you with education and a wonderful resource to help you make healthy choices for your family.

We will give you recipes you can make yourself with no preservatives, low sugar and fat. We will help you with ideas for healthy snacks, lunches and dinners.

Your childs eating habits in the first 5 years of life are the blueprint for the rest of their lives and we will help you build a solid healthy foundation for a wonderful happy life.

Jen and the team at Beyond The Baby

I am always surprised at how many parents are not educated in exactly what healthy food is. We all know fruits and vegetables are healthy but many parents aren’t aware of hidden calories in foods especially processed foods and can often be fooled by creative marketing and packaging.

I always read labels not so much to find out the fat content but more to see what preservatives are used, how much sugar it contains and any other nasties that are not good for my family.

While I was shopping recently I was in the canned fish aisle and picked up some “Kids Tuna”. I was in a rush so I put it in the shopping trolley without reading it and assumed that by saying “kids” it was perhaps softer than normal tuna or maybe had a milder taste. How wrong I was!

When I got home I read the label on the tuna, to my horror it contained more than double the fat, triple the sugar, triple the carbohydrates and double the salt than regular tuna!

For years companies have been selling products that we all assume are kid friendly because many people do not know how to read labels or don’t bother to read them.

In school we all learn about the healthy food pyramid, it shows how many servings of each food group we need per day. In my opinion this is not enough education, most people have no idea how to read a label and what is a healthy amount of fat, protein, sugar etc in one serving. They assume that if it says “healthy” or “fruit” or “wholegrain” on the packaging that it is healthy. I have seen it first hand when someone handed me a fruit bar (biscuit crust with fruit in the middle) and said “it’s ok it’s only apple and some cinnamon”. Reading the label I saw it contain 13g of sugar, preservatives and 6g of fat …. not just apple and cinnamon.

In our house we have a zero junk food rule for Cooper. However he is allowed to have treats at a birthday party or special occasion. This is generally a cupcake and a mini sausage roll which I am proud to say he will gladly exchange for fruit!

I am amazed at the responses I get from some people, I am always asked “Can Cooper have “insert junk food here”, when I respond “No I have packed some fruit for him, he isn’t allowed those foods”. Most respond by rolling their eyes and saying “well what do you feed him?” or “my kids have to have sweets everyday or they drive me crazy!”. The most common response is “isn’t that hard to stick to?” …. the answer …

It’s actually easy! We said from day one that while we had control over what Cooper ate he would only eat good nutritious food. No junk food. The biggest key is planning! It’s not hard, I just make sure before we leave that I cut up some fruit, pack some rice cakes and if we are going to be out for lunch and I know we wont be able to get anything healthy I pack him a sandwich. I never have to hide vegetables and sometimes actually have to give him the meat portion of his meal first or he will fill himself up on vegetables alone!

We don’t allow him any drinks other than water and milk. He has never had juice (except sip out of his friends sippy cup by accident).

It is amazing how much we are judged for our decision and treated like the odd ones out. It has become normal to allow you child to eat chocolate, cakes, chips and drink soft drink and energy drinks from a very young age and on a daily basis.

As part of our healthy lifestyle we also feed Cooper mostly organic food. I cook using organic eggs, meat, pasta, flour etc. Anything that has an organic option. Every Sunday we get up at 7am and head down to our local (or not so local! 20 mins drive) organic farmers market. We want to teach Cooper the importance of buying locally, supporting local farmers and eating organic food. It’s not always possible to eat organic, but it is becoming easier.

We also don’t hide vegetables, he gets them on his plate and will happily eat any vegetable we give him – spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, squash and much more!

I see so many children who are obese and children with very poor health due to their eating habits and it makes me sad. I have struggled with my weight for years and would never want to put my child through that. I think teaching them good food habits from a young age is important to help them make better choices as they grow older.

I would love to hear what you think! How do you eat at home? Can you confidently read a label? Are you conscious of your child’s food habits?

Leave a comment!

Jen xx

We are really committed to providing unbiased unique information for all of our members. Next month is baby feeding month and we have been working hard to write new articles on all areas of baby feeding – breastfeeding, formula feeding and solids.

We believe everyone has a right to access information on all options and we are going to provide it! Every women has a right to choose how they feed their baby and while breast is best it is also not always possible.

When I had my son I wanted more than anything to breastfeed him for atleast 12 months. That was my plan anyway. My birth didn’t go to plan and by 6 weeks I was on medication for PND and insanely stressed. No matter how much I fed or pumped I just didn’t have enough milk. We were comp feeding from 4 weeks and finally at 14 weeks we were down to 1 breastfeed per day. My husband and I decided the stress of me trying to feed him was enough and we put him on formula for all feeds. Since then he has thrived, gained weight and grown to a beautiful 19 month old full of life energy.

When I was looking into formula feeding I found the lack of information disgusting. It was like formula was a dirty word and no matter how many questions I asked or what I searched no one would give a straight answer and just kept telling me to keep trying to breastfeed. From that day I knew I had to make Beyond The Baby and unbiased site for all mothers, no matter what their feeding choice.

I believe breastfeeding is the best start a mother can give her child, but I am also a realist and understand sometimes it is not possible. Women should not be judged.

So next month is Baby Feeding month! Everything you need to know about Baby Feeding!! I hope you enjoy the articles and information as well as reviews and hopefully a few giveaways!

Jen xx

I guess one of the most common questions among mummy groups is “what did you do with your baby bonus?”. I actually love answering this question as I am so proud of the decision we made.

From the very start we told ourselves that the baby bonus was not ours, we wanted it to 100% go to the baby and pay for things he may need and the rest would go in the bank.

I heard about stemcell storage on the news and in a few magazine articles but didn’t know much about the process or cost. I did a Google search and emailed a few companies and we both sat down and read the information. As soon as we did this we knew there was no going back. We had thoughts of the future and worried if anything happened to our son and we had decided against stemcell storage then we would forever have to live with that bad decision.

The next step was choosing a company. There are about 5 companies so we requested all of their info kits and based our decision on their policy, the quality of their marketing material and the friendliness of their customer service staff. As this is such a new procedure I could not find any reviews on any companies only a few threads in baby forums asking about them with no responses.

We finally decided on StemLife out of all of them StemLife had the most professional marketing kit that was packed full of information. They had great prices and were very friendly, polite and helpful on the phone.

The process was so smooth and easy. We had a fantastic collection nurse and everything went according to plan. We now have our sons stemcells stored and a little bit more peace of mind knowing that if anything happened we have the possibility of helping him.

I do not regret our decision at all, sure I would have loved a new TV or some new things for around the home but to us that money was for our baby. We could afford to buy all of his nursery items and wanted to use the baby bonus for something with real benefit to him even if it is never used.

Jen xx

I will write a larger article on Stemcell collection and the process, so stay tuned!